I.V., IV

February 22, 2020February 22, 2020 ~ Bob Cook ~ 2 Comments

Today’s chemotherapy might be my last. This morning the doctor reviewed the blood tests showing my cells have recovered from the last round and I can tolerate another. Then she explained in two weeks we do the PET scan to see if there are any remaining cancer cells. If so, I get two more doses. I appreciate a back up plan but firmly expect this disease to be gone now. Expect the best but prepare for the worst. If my prayers are answered and the doctor’s original assertion is correct, the cancer is gone now after four doses.

Today was the typical round of several bags and syringes running from 9:30 am until 3:00 pm. On the way out I rang the bell, signifying my last visit.

So I have the next three weeks to endure the side effects. The next five days involve a racing heart, hot flashes, four hours of sleep at night, tingling fingers, and avoiding sick people because my immune system is suppressed.

For sure the chemo effect is cumulative. At first I thought it would be sick the first week and getting better for the next two weeks, then the next dose. But, each dose make me a little weaker with longer recovery. Last week I felt more tired than ever. So I’ll see how this last one gets me.

“Come to me, all you who are weary and burdened, and I will give you rest. Take my yoke upon you and learn from me, for I am gentle and humble in heart, and you will find rest for your souls. For my yoke is easy and my burden is light.” said Jesus in Matthew 11:28

“What does not kill you makes you stronger” Sorry Kelly Clarkson but your famous lyric makes for a catchy break-up song but not real life. What does not kill you makes you weaker. And that’s a good thing.

“Three times I pleaded with the Lord to take it (pain) away from me. But he said to me, “My grace is sufficient for you, for my power is made perfect in weakness.” Therefore I will boast all the more gladly about my weaknesses, so that Christ’s power may rest on me. That is why, for Christ’s sake, I delight in weaknesses, in insults, in hardships, in persecutions, in difficulties. For when I am weak, then I am strong.” says Paul in 2 Corinthians 12:8

So, I’m ok feeling like a marionette with half the strings cut. God’s grace saved me, gave me life everlasting, and lets me lean on Him as I walk THROUGH the valley of the shadow of death, stopping to catch my breath.

Last Chemo…

February 18, 2020 ~ Bob Cook ~ 5 Comments

This Friday will be my last scheduled chemotherapy treatment. I’m looking forward to it. I’m familiar with the faces and personalities of the many tech’s and nurses at the cancer treatment center. The layout of the maze-like building is no longer a mystery. I know when and where they are going to poke me with needles. The “beep-beep-beep” alarm will sound at the emptying of each bag of I.V. The friendly volunteers will offer warm blankets and baskets of snacks. My wife will be nearby, reading a book, playing her games, watching me sleep on and off.

Then, before I leave the treatment room at the end of the day, I will ring the bell signaling my last treatment. Everyone there will applaud and I will leave. If my prayers are answered and the doctor’s expectations are met, the cancer is gone and I am on the road to recovery.

But it will still be three weeks of continued side effects. I’m used to the weakness and digestive difficulties and seeing an old man in the mirror.

Soon I’ll get the PET scan to confirm that the cancer is gone…or if I need more. The unknown no longer bothers me. I’m willing to wait and return if necessary. I do not long for the familiar but will do whatever is required to be free of cancer and get back to participating in life: Work, play, rest, create.

I thank God for so many friends who are praying for me and this situation. I do the same when I am in the chair. I pray for these strangers hooked up to bags and tubes. So many are older than me, both men and women. Lord, give them strength and hope and a future.

“For I know the plans I have for you,” declares the Lord, “plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future. Then you will call on me and come and pray to me, and I will listen to you. You will seek me and find me when you seek me with all your heart. I will be found by you,” declares the Lord…Jeremiah 29:11.

Under Siege

February 3, 2020February 6, 2020 ~ Bob Cook ~ 1 Comment

No, not me, but the disease in me is under siege by many medicines. The oncology team has put together a barrage of chemicals to surround, infect, isolate, and destroy the cancerous cells that were trying to kill me. The treatment is winning this slow, internal battle. There is some collateral damage like my hair and various other cells, but they will grow back.

I’ve just finished round three of chemotherapy last week. In two more weeks I will get the fourth and last round. Then a scan to see if the cancer is gone.

The picture of a siege reminds me of Psalm 59 where David was surrounded like dogs by Saul’s armies, determined to kill him. “Deliver me from my enemies, oh my God.” You can sense his fear and the darkness of the situation in this psalm but he concludes:

“But as for me, I shall sing of Your strength;
Yes, I shall joyfully sing of Your lovingkindness in the morning,
For You have been my stronghold
And a refuge in the day of my distress.
O my strength, I will sing praises to You;
For God is my stronghold, the God who shows me loving kindness.